Saturday, December 31, 2011

Read, think and live then repeat...

Tonight will be filled with church goers, party hoppers and baby makers, all hoping for a better year then the last... As I look over 2011, I am grateful for the trials and triumphs and the blessings and beginnings.  In 2011, I got married, met great people, left a dead-end job, started a new job, lost my dog, adopted two new dogs, gained some weight, loss some weight, loved DTLA, hated DTLA, prayed, moved, laughed, cried, gossiped, screamed, bought way more stuff then needed, gave some items away, bought more items because I gave some items away, this is in addition to buying way more stuff then needed by the way.

For me, resolutions don't work, why wait for a new year to make promises of changes that should have been done way back when.  I am not knocking anyone that does, I am just letting you know what doesn't work for me...

So instead of making resolutions, I made a list of 12 credos (12 for that person that likes the 12 for 2012 idea) read them, think about them and live them:

1.   Pray daily
2.   Don't smoke, not even occasionally
3.   Be physical for 30 minutes
4.   Stress less
5.   Relax more
6.   Say please and thank you
7.   Sleep 7-plus hours a night
8.   Take a multi-vitamin
9.   Ignore negativity
10. Keep a journal
11. Apologize
12. Make sure the people that you love, feel loved

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Do you know a baby with a fever?

Okay, the title isn't meant to be literal, but I wonder where's the baby with the fever because I can't, shall not, will not, be getting baby fever.  I mean, it's just not time to be thinking about babies, well I can think about them, but I shouldn't be thinking about them, in my belly, on my hip, in my backseat.  Could it be that not only is my very best friend preggers, but I can probably name twenty women that I personally know who are preggers or who just had a baby.  There must be something in the air, no, something in the water, no, I know what it is, there is something "in the facebook."  If I wasn't on facebook, I would not know so many women who were pregnant and therefore, I would not be getting baby fever, I mean, I would not know a baby with a fever.



A friend of mine and I were just talking about how we are of a particular age and we do not have kids.  We began to justify it by talking about all the women we went to school with that do not have children yet, we could only name about five women, but hey that was enough.  We then began talking about her aunt who didn't have her first kid until she was 38 and then she managed to have a second within nine months.  So needless to say, at this point we were feeling pretty good about ourselves. We ignored the subtle hints that our eggs were trying to tell us by even having this conversation.  She laughed when I told her that my mind starts spinning when I think that I will be fifty when my child goes to college, counting the half a year it may take to get pregnant and the other nine months that it will take to cook the baby.  Then it's like I couldn't stop the thoughts, fifty when they are in college, sixty, if they wait until thirty+ to have kids like me, and we can cancel the thought of me ever being able to meet my great grandkids.  That had us almost in tears, she mentioned that she was babysitting for the night and she was sure by morning that the fever, I mean feeling would be gone.  By the end of the conversation we went from wanting to have kids to feeling great about being career minded women who put accomplishments, family and marriage first.  We toasted through the phone to the FEVER, for it was nothing more than a word.



But in the event that you have an actual fever, here are some facts that should be of assistance...


FEVER CATEGORIES:


99.0-99.5 RANGE: SLIGHT - Continue normal activities with caution. 
(Mrs. Draine, we would advise that if you plan on having kids, you should start working on it now)


99.6-101.9 RANGE: MILD - take little action, stay at home, sleep and rest.
(Mrs. Draine, because you are over 30, you might want to be a little cautious when doing certain activities)


102.0-102.9 RANGE: MODERATE- drink lots of fluids (at room temp of 72), sleep and rest, don't use fever reducers yet.  (Mrs. Draine, sleep and rest will be your best friend, stay off your feel, elevate them and stay hydrated)


103.0-104.9 RANGE: SEVERE - get to a doctor, use fever reducers sparingly (keep temp between 100-102 degrees to fight off your illness), get lots and lots of rest, eat lots of food to ensure the digestive system is still functioning normally! (Mrs. Draine, because you are over 30, we may need to think about some alternatives)


105.0-106.6 RANGE: DANGER- call 911, get immediate medical attention. 
(Mrs. Draine, what have you been doing for the last ten years?)


106.7+: LIFE-THREATENING- death or coma is possible, dial 911, and get medical attention right away. Hyperpyrexia causes fevers this high.
(Mrs. Draine, having a child at this age has serious risks associated)

So to the baby with the fever, the plural noun, (2) A state of nervous excitement or agitation, take a deep breathe and concentrate on something else.  After all, it was just a dream...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Dear Harold Camping...

I was really ang, angry, angr, well, not really angry but frustrated I guess with what's going on in the world.  Harold Camping spent millions of dollars on a campaign to let people know that the world was coming to an end, that earthquakes would ravish the land and all children of GOD would be lifted up for eternal life with the LORD.  My question to Harold is, what now? You scared thousands of people, me excluded, although I did put my most valuable belongings in one safe place in the event that scientists caused another man-made disaster, but that is another story.

I am also frustrated because for a brief moment, I did panic.  We as Christians can not leave it to the church to teach us everything there is to know about the bible.  Pastors teach that being a Christian isn't just coming to church on Sunday, singing some songs, listening to the word while nodding and agreeing and the benediction.  We are to spread the word and live by the word.  So in leu of this false rapture, I have decided to commit to reading the bible on my own.  I really feel bad for the people who cleaned out their life savings, sold their homes and cars, used their last bit of money on a vacation or confessed some things that we all know should be taken to the grave.

Well for me, there is a blessing in everything and what this non-rapture taught me is that we do not know the day nor the hour that we will die, be it of a human disaster or an angelic miracle, but what I do know is that I can strive to become a better Christian and a better person.  I can give the homeless person on the corner a few bucks because I would probably spend it on something that will make me gain weight or breakout.  I know everyone thinks that when you give money to the homeless that they are just going to spend it on getting high, maybe and maybe not, that's not for me to question, all I can do is try to help people, a little at a time.  I can also spend a few hours out of my month volunteering at some kind of shelter or non-profit, because in those few hours that I am helping others, I am saving my brain from getting dumbed down by reality television.  Instead of having my annual yard sale, this year, I can give away the clothes that in my own little conceited way are not good enough for me to wear again because I have gotten caught up in the 'out of season' hype.  The little money I would make from a yard sale would probably go towards another gadget that will be considered 'out of date' in about eight months.  When looking (reading) back, I realize that I have a lot of room for growth.

So where I started out being frustrated by Harold Camping, I would like to take this moment to thank him for this moment of clarity.  People always ask, what would you do if you knew you were going to die? Common answers of course are: spend all of my money, go on a lavish trip, skydive, take all the risks that with the blessings of continued life, I would not have enough nerve to try.  But for me, I would want to help someone else have a better day than they were having, a better week than the week before or a better year than the last.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Some words to live by...

forgiveness, liability, interest, mercy, networking, 
STD, life plan, relationships, epiphany, 
living will, fine wines, love, success, confidence, 
credit, adventure, debt, trust, help, thank you, relax, 
balance, abroad, litigate, sacrifice, retirement,
touchdown, sexuality, ROI, prayer, educated,
grace, ego, trend, tip chart, acceptance, wealth

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A New York State of Mind...




As I sit and scroll through countless numbers of photos of New York City, it reminds me that New York is not only home but a true melting pot. Whether taking a daring hike through 'Chinatown,' whistling and skipping through Central Park, playing hop scotch between New York and New Jersey on the GWB (George Washington Bridge) or introducing someone to New York pizza, there is just no place like it in the world. Fashion, Broadway, Wall Street, Times Square, where shall we begin...


In March my husband and I will be taking a much needed vacation to the East Coast for a non-stop adventure. Living in LA, whenever we make it to the east coast, we have so much to do, so many people to see and just not enough time. During these 12 days, we will visit Atlanta, Raleigh, Greensboro, DC and my favorite city in the whole wide world, NYC. James (my husband) has never been to New York and I feel like we need to spend the whole 12 days in NY because I don't feel like I can be the great tour guide I am and show him everything NY has to offer. But because we live in the real world and there is a little something called "work," I guess we will have to make do. I am originally from NY, a small little town, a township to be exact, I don't think we have been given the title of 'city' just yet, nonetheless, New Rochelle, NY is where I call home. Being a poor child in New Rochelle, you couldn't image that this little town had so much to offer outside of your project community. I took the liberty to drum up little unknown facts about this town: home of "The Dick Van Dyke," tv show, Donald Trump built a world recognized Trump Plaza on Huguenot Street, New Rochelle resident J. Fred Coots wrote Santa Claus Is Coming To Town which is one of the biggest best sellers in American musical history (Yup, I did some research :-) and Denzel Washington is from a small city called Mount Vernon which is 10 minutes up Lincoln Ave (the main street in New Rochelle). Hey, we take what we can get.


That's a photo of New Roc City, which is the remodeled mall in New Rochelle. Now before I let this turn into pages and pages of me just blabbing about New Rochelle, I will use this post to highlight fifteen places we must visit while there.

15. The Statue of Liberty (Hey, we are there, might as well) 14. A Sabrett hot dog stand (You have to get a hot dog off the street) 13. Coney Island (just to go on the rides) 12. Yankee Stadium (which is now more known for those damn yankee fitted hats than anything else) 11. Each of the five boroughs (Bronx, Brooklyn, Staten Island, Manhattan and Queens) 10. Chelsea Piers (the lighthouse, the skyrink, my favorite pizza parlor, I can't wait) 9. The Hamptons (we are just too close to not go, I haven't been either, so we shall see what all the fuss is about) 8. The GWB (the George Washington Bridge, we will park in NJ and walk across the state line, just to say we did it) 7. Times Square (It won't be the same as if we were to visit on New Years Eve, but a great landmark nonetheless) 6. The AVE (you have to be a NY'er to understand, but one word: shopping) 5. The TOWNS (chinatown, koreatown, little Italy, another one of those 'just to say we've been' places) 4. MSG (Madison Square Garden to catch a Knicks game or heck, we will even take the Nets) 3. Central Park (I have to show him where they filmed one of my favorite holiday movies, "Home Alone" LOL) 2. Play Land (Sorry, it's a Westchester County thing) drum roll please .... 1. New Rochelle, NY (not only is it where I grew up, but it is also where my grandmother and mother are buried and I can't leave town without laying the prettiest and freshest flowers by their head stone)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Waste NOT, Want NOT... Tips to save a little money...

We have all been told that there is money around the house, but the last time I asked my couch to borrow some, I didn't get a reply. Whether you have searched old purses for a few dollars, tore apart your couch in hopes of a shiny piece of silver or returned an item in your home to get the money back, all of these tactics I am sure have been short lived. We all rang in the new year with hopes of success and financial independence and whether or not the kiss at the stroke of 12 brought any luck, these tips will help you keep a little cash on hand.

Now the way that this is going to work is to actually SAVE the money that you were going to spend. I am going to give you some areas in which you can cut back and save, but the trick is, that the money you are going to save, must be saved, meaning, if you were going to spend $20 on one of the cut back tips, that $20 must be stored in the house so that you can see how easy it is to save. At the end of this trial period, which should be about 30 days, the money saved will speak for itself.

Let us begin in the kitchen... Why do you continue to go to the grocery store with a pantry full of groceries? At one point, when you bought the items, you had intentions of eating them right? So please, do... Go through your cabinets and pick out three to five items that can be eaten this week, either as a meal alone or an addition to another item. Promise yourself that you are going to clear out one shelf in your pantry this month by eating what you have already spent money on. Put these items on your grocery list as what not to buy. Think to yourself, what can I buy to go along with these items. For me, it was the cans of soup (that I must think make a beautiful collage in the cabinet) that I sacrificed and ate, for three days in a row. Did I want to, NO, but did it save me money, YES, and have I learned a valuable lesson, HELL YEAH! Now you ask, how can I calculate what I should save. If you live alone and think the microwave was the best invention since the cell phone, buy three less microwaveable meals and put that $10-15 in your saving jar/box/pillowcase/shoe, you get the point. If you have a family of three or four, maybe it's soup night for the whole family and instead of buying ingredients to make tacos, calculate the cost of what you would buy and put it away. This too works for the items in the fridge. When I go to the grocery store, my fridge is almost empty because I really make an effort to eat what I buy, thus wasting NOT and wanting NOT.

My next tip is the good ole reduce, reuse, recycle. I must admit, I am addicted to diet coke, in any form, bottle, can, fountain, whatever, I love diet coke and I buy the 12 packs whenever I run out. I sometimes have a trash can full of cans and bottles and in some states, I know you have to recycle those items to the green tin. Well for this month, instead of recycling the items in the green tin, put them in a plastic bag and haul them over to the nearest recycle center and trade them in for cash. I took one trash bag full of diet coke bottles, cans, diet coke of course, to the recycle center and got $6. Now six dollars isn't anything to write home about, but that was six dollars for a two person home, only diet coke products and in one month. If you have a large family or you entertain a lot, the beer cans, wine bottles, juice bottles, etc. weigh a lot more and can add a lot more weight to your bag, thus adding more cash in your hand. Why give that those recyclables to the city every month, that's money out of your pocket?!?!?!

Has it been a long time since you and your significant other went out on a date? Were you thinking of having date night? Are you dying to see that new movie that just came out? If you go to the movies every time a new movie comes out, on opening night, maybe you can cut back a little. Instead of going out to date night and spending at least $50 on dinner and a movie, do something a little different. A lot of restaurants have recipes for their signature items online, google your favorite hot spot and see what recipes are online. Instead of going out, you and your spouse can cook the meal together, desserts and all. So what about your movie, you can either rent or in my case, James and I love to watch a show called 'Masterminds,' it's a special that comes on MSNBC, I record those for date night and while we are cooking we watch about two or three episodes, saving money on food, entertainment and gas.

There are tons of little ways to, as the investors say, "watch your money grow," literally, you just have to sacrifice and stick to it. In the month that I put my money where my mouth was, I was able to save $65 dollars on those few tips alone. Another tip that I will share is the cash left over tip. I rarely ever carry cash, but when I do, I can't seem to figure out how a $20 bill turns into a five and a couple of ones. Well when that does happen, the five and a couple of ones are added to my savings jar, change included. I will do that for a few months and before I know it, I have $100 or more in my jar. In these uncertain times of our economy, we have to be prepared for whatever may come. Suze Orman says that people should have at least six months of savings, so, what's in your wallet?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Skid marks tell a story...

Have you ever been driving or riding on the road, highway or byway and wondered the story behind the skid marks that lead to GOD knows where? Thinking to yourself, what the hell happened in that situation? What were they doing? Could they have survived going off that cliff? Wondering what the fate was of that skid mark maker. Skid marks tell a story…

Was she looking down on the floor for a ringing cell phone?
Did he have a little too much to drink?
Was she trying to avoid that person that had a little too much to drink?
Was that text message really worth sending?
Was he wearing a seatbelt?
Were the driving conditions too bad to drive in?
Did the constant cry of a child cause her to look back to see what was wrong?
Was the oncoming car in his lane?
Were they a fugitive of the law?
Did that light look green?
Did that deer not heed the flashing of the bright lights?
Did she really need to go that fast to get there?
Was he just not paying attention?
What was his blood alcohol level?
Did they try to break while hydroplaning?
Did she really think she could eat AND drive?
ROAD RAGE?

Whatever the story behind the skid mark, let us not forget the maker. According to the National Car Accidents Statistics, there are more than six million car accidents in the United States. A person will die every twelve minutes as a result of a car accident. That means by the time I finish writing this post, someone will have died. Just remember your decisions on the road not only effects you but they also effect every other driver who left home and prayed for safe travels. Let's work to make 2011 a safer year on the road.

35X35 ...

35.  Meet Jennifer Lopez (Don't judge me)
34.  Blog monthly, if not weekly
33.  Learn to make a full Thanksgiving dinner
32.  Give up diet coke, hell, I am not on a diet :-)
31.  Buy a property in Los Angeles
30.  Get pilots license
29.  Stop cursing, swearing, using foul language (even when no other word seems to fit)
28.  Have one (1) child and one (1) in the oven
27.  Get back to high school weight after baby comes out of the oven
26.  Have a big yard sale
25.  Go deep sea fishing
24.  Write a song
23.  Visit 10 more states (NM, MI, WI, IA, UT, CO, WA, OR, SD, ND)
22.  Try a lace front wig (Don't judge me)
21.  Join the mile high club (Don't judge me)
20.  Learn to speak Chinese
19.  Do 1000 hours of community service for different charities
18.  Visit the Wendy Williams show
17.  Charter a yacht, well a boat, balling on a budget
16.  Not cut my hair
15.  Monthly dinner parties with friends
14.  Acquire enough sky miles to fly free overseas
13.  Donate to one of the commercials for starving children
12.  Launch my non-profit (Fully Covered)
11.  Talk more than text
10.  Take my husband horse back riding
9.    Buy out of nece.... necessi.... necessity, whew that was a hard one
8.    Tithe regularly
7.    Pray daily
6.    Take a cooking class, preferably a sushi making class
5.    Mend a friendship
4.    Say 'Happy New Year' in Times Square
3.    Right any wrongs
2.    Try not to go to bed angry
1.    Patent my invention idea

Married to the family....


As the saying goes, when you decide to get married, you not only marry the man, but you marry his mom, dad, sister, brother and all of the family drama and gossip one can stand.  My cousin and I have been talking recently about being married to the family and how people sometimes give family a permanent spot in the bed of marriage.

When you think about it, it's almost impossible not to huh?!?!? Rhetorical.  I mean who wouldn't want to climb the family tree that has either caused your spouse to either be a hard-working, stand-up man or an insensitive grudge-holding bastard. Either way, this is now your family.  So here is a story:

Once upon a time there lived a mean mother-in-law who was just angry at the world.  If you spoke to her, she cursed, if you looked at her, she cursed and don't you dare think about smiling at her because guess what she will do? Curse.  Why is she so angry you ask? Well it all began 28 years ago when she gave up her life to birth her son.  And boy was she living the life, you know the 1960's were the good ole days.  People called it the rolling 60's and that's what she did, rolled.  She rolled in designer clothes, designer cars and rolled her fancy self all the way to a full scholarship at her favorite university.  She was on cloud nine until she met this slick talking Georgia man.  I mean he was slick as ice.  He could talk a preacher out of preaching and a nun into sexing.  He was just that slick.  After several months of courting, she allowed this slick talking Georgia man to rest upon her bossom.  Not thinking that these actions would soon change her life.

Two hundred and seventy five days later, she gave birth to a child that she would soon be calling a little slick talking Georgia boy.  At first things were okay, she was able to put away enough savings that her lavish lifestyle didn't suffer, but all that was short lived.  Things got hard, she became depressed, alcohol became her friend.  Because that slick talking Georgia man didn't stay in her life, she allowed other men to come and go and do as they pleased.  A black eye here, swollen lip there, thump, there went her head against the wall.  Little slick talking Georgia boy didn't understand why his mom didn't do anything, why she allowed these men to take advantage of her.  But his juvenile mind just couldn't comprehend.  He also didn't understand how things went from just him and mom to him, mom, little sister, little sister, little brother, little brother.  Damn, six mouths to feed on minimum wage.

To be continued....

Here sits a tear...


No mommy, please don't go, please don't leave me all by myself.  I am only eight years old, how am I going to get through my life without the person who gave me life in the first place.  Why are you just laying there? Why are you not breathing? What are those needles beside you? Why do I hear sirens?  Why is no one doing anything? WHY?


Eight days later you were pronounced dead and that was the last time I saw you, the last image in my head was you laying there lifeless, breathless and cold.


Dear Mommy,


I thought writing this would help me with your loss, but it hasn't gotten any easier. As a matter of fact, I am crying as the thoughts come to my head.  Every key stroke is met with a tear.  Here, on my computer sits a tear.  Twenty-one years later and I still think of you daily and cry weekly.  Will it ever get any easier? I just wanted to write you a letter and tell you how much I miss you but those feeling of missing you are being met with anger.  It hurts me to my core to think that I will be getting married in a month and a half and you will not be there.  It hurts me to think that the man I am marrying will one day be the father of a child that you will never meet.  It hurts me that I am upset with you.  It hurts me that I sometimes question GOD's decision to take you. It hurts me to think that you had to be high in order to celebrate Keith's birthday.  It hurts me that you didn't think of us while you were getting high. It hurts me to think that the things that I am saying would hurt you.


I just don't understand.  Was life not worth more? Were we not more important than that feeling only cocaine could give you?  Was the high a better feeling than seeing your children one more day? Was it worth leaving this earth when we still had so many unanswered questions? I can't help asking you these things mommy because I am still hurt, I still cry and I still don't understand.  Are you happy? Are you happy that I have fears of becoming a mom? Fears of leaving my child in the same f*cked up mind state that you left me.  Fears that my child will too be angry with me when I have to meet GOD.  Fears that maybe my child will experiment with the little white devil, make it their best friend and too lay lifeless on a floor.  Fears that every time I write you, I will be angry.


Until next time,


Your angry and confused daughter

thirtysomething...

I am thirtysomething and I can't believe it.  I am probably having a hard time dealing with it because who would have ever thought that in 2010, thirtysomething would be looked at as onehundredandsomething.  If you aren't getting asked why you are not married, then certainly you have heard why don't you have any children.  And if you have ever stumbled upon those brave enough to blurt the "Are you gay" question, well then you are doing great.  I am not sure why being a thirtysomething career minded, independent and strong black female should garner such questions.  Would people rather me be married, breast feeding my newborn while my two three year olds are either eating dirt or digging in their nose complaining that my husband is always working late? I am just not ready for that.  I think the decision to be married and have kids should not be the topic of discussion during every holiday gathering.

To me, being thirtysomething is the time where yes, my career does come first, yes, I would like to own a starter home that doesn't have a nursery, yes, I would like to be able to say that I have lived in more zip codes than the average postman delivers to in a day, yes, getting out of my car at the gas station without thinking twice about a little person in back seat, yes, being domestic, cooking daily, washing clothes weekly, mommy and me monthly, daddy and me quarterly and 1st, 2nd and 3rd birthday's yearly. YES, I am happy being thirtysomething and living my life.  YES, I am happy to get myself together before becoming one. YES, I would rather start a college fund for an unborn child than cry about daycare for a born child. YES, YES, YES.

I would like to redefine thirtysomething and hope that I have... I am normal, you, the ones who probably should have waited until thirtysomething are not! 

A thank you is in order...

Who would have ever thunk it??? Here I sit, inspired by the sometimes uninspired. I always wondered how I could write poetry but could not formulate those same thoughts to write a blog…

It’s just a matter of organizing the millions of thoughts running around in your head. So today, instead of doing work for a moment, I decided to read facebook posts. I swear, facebook is going to be the end of a good paying job for someone, smile. And speaking of facebook, I would like for the dictionary to finally recognize this ingenious idea, so that the little red lines disappear.

THANK YOU!!!

Back to what I was saying, so I was on facebook and I stumbled upon a person’s page whom I once adored, hated, liked, admired and then hated again…. As I read her blog updates, I thought to myself, wow, what a talented writer, interesting posts with a bit of humor, clever… With her rants and raves about inspiration, life lessons, bullshit, bullshit, I became inspired. Now who am I kidding, this is not going to be the start of the next best blog as I am stretched way too thin as it is. But it is nice to be able to vent in a public forum from time to time, so once again I say…

THANK YOU!!!

Now there is a quote about something being deserved, required, much, something of that sort, can’t think of the quote and personally don’t feel like googling it… OMG, is googling not a word either, WTF!!! LOL… Okay, but seriously… The quote in summary states that you must give credit when inspiration in any form is stumbled upon and so I ponder, should I thank her. Do I send an email thanking her for doing what I knew I could do anyway? Do I send a facebook message, ugh, the red lines, telling her that I am inspired by her writing and now I too want to post to my new blog every now and then? Well, I could just hope that she too stumbles upon my post and ends up reading my blog, where she will be welcomed by a post dedicated to her called….

THANK YOU!!!