Do you know a baby with a fever?

Okay, the title isn't meant to be literal, but I wonder where's the baby with the fever because I can't, shall not, will not, be getting baby fever.  I mean, it's just not time to be thinking about babies, well I can think about them, but I shouldn't be thinking about them, in my belly, on my hip, in my backseat.  Could it be that not only is my very best friend preggers, but I can probably name twenty women that I personally know who are preggers or who just had a baby.  There must be something in the air, no, something in the water, no, I know what it is, there is something "in the facebook."  If I wasn't on facebook, I would not know so many women who were pregnant and therefore, I would not be getting baby fever, I mean, I would not know a baby with a fever.

A friend of mine and I were just talking about how we are of a particular age and we do not have kids.  We began to justify it by talking about all the women we went to school with that do not have children yet, we could only name about five women, but hey that was enough.  We then began talking about her aunt who didn't have her first kid until she was 38 and then she managed to have a second within nine months.  So needless to say, at this point we were feeling pretty good about ourselves. We ignored the subtle hints that our eggs were trying to tell us by even having this conversation.  She laughed when I told her that my mind starts spinning when I think that I will be fifty when my child goes to college, counting the half a year it may take to get pregnant and the other nine months that it will take to cook the baby.  Then it's like I couldn't stop the thoughts, fifty when they are in college, sixty, if they wait until thirty+ to have kids like me, and we can cancel the thought of me ever being able to meet my great grandkids.  That had us almost in tears, she mentioned that she was babysitting for the night and she was sure by morning that the fever, I mean feeling would be gone.  By the end of the conversation we went from wanting to have kids to feeling great about being career minded women who put accomplishments, family and marriage first.  We toasted through the phone to the FEVER, for it was nothing more than a word.

But in the event that you have an actual fever, here are some facts that should be of assistance...


FEVER CATEGORIES:


99.0-99.5 RANGE: SLIGHT - Continue normal activities with caution. 
(Mrs. Draine, we would advise that if you plan on having kids, you should start working on it now)

99.6-101.9 RANGE: MILD - take little action, stay at home, sleep and rest.

(Mrs. Draine, because you are over 30, you might want to be a little cautious when doing certain activities)

102.0-102.9 RANGE: MODERATE- drink lots of fluids (at room temp of 72), sleep and rest, don't use fever reducers yet.  (Mrs. Draine, sleep and rest will be your best friend, stay off your feel, elevate them and stay hydrated)

103.0-104.9 RANGE: SEVERE - get to a doctor, use fever reducers sparingly (keep temp between 100-102 degrees to fight off your illness), get lots and lots of rest, eat lots of food to ensure the digestive system is still functioning normally! (Mrs. Draine, because you are over 30, we may need to think about some alternatives)

105.0-106.6 RANGE: DANGER- call 911, get immediate medical attention. 
(Mrs. Draine, what have you been doing for the last ten years?)

106.7+: LIFE-THREATENING- death or coma is possible, dial 911, and get medical attention right away. Hyperpyrexia causes fevers this high.
(Mrs. Draine, having a child at this age has serious risks associated)

So to the baby with the fever, the plural noun, (2) A state of nervous excitement or agitation, take a deep breathe and concentrate on something else.  After all, it was just a dream...

Dear Harold Camping...

I was really ang, angry, angr, well, not really angry but frustrated I guess with what's going on in the world.  Harold Camping spent millions of dollars on a campaign to let people know that the world was coming to an end, that earthquakes would ravish the land and all children of GOD would be lifted up for eternal life with the LORD.  My question to Harold is, what now? You scared thousands of people, me excluded, although I did put my most valuable belongings in one safe place in the event that scientists caused another man-made disaster, but that is another story.

I am also frustrated because for a brief moment, I did panic.  We as Christians can not leave it to the church to teach us everything there is to know about the bible.  Pastors teach that being a Christian isn't just coming to church on Sunday, singing some songs, listening to the word while nodding and agreeing and the benediction.  We are to spread the word and live by the word.  So in leu of this false rapture, I have decided to commit to reading the bible on my own.  I really feel bad for the people who cleaned out their life savings, sold their homes and cars, used their last bit of money on a vacation or confessed some things that we all know should be taken to the grave.

Well for me, there is a blessing in everything and what this non-rapture taught me is that we do not know the day nor the hour that we will die, be it of a human disaster or an angelic miracle, but what I do know is that I can strive to become a better Christian and a better person.  I can give the homeless person on the corner a few bucks because I would probably spend it on something that will make me gain weight or breakout.  I know everyone thinks that when you give money to the homeless that they are just going to spend it on getting high, maybe and maybe not, that's not for me to question, all I can do is try to help people, a little at a time.  I can also spend a few hours out of my month volunteering at some kind of shelter or non-profit, because in those few hours that I am helping others, I am saving my brain from getting dumbed down by reality television.  Instead of having my annual yard sale, this year, I can give away the clothes that in my own little conceited way are not good enough for me to wear again because I have gotten caught up in the 'out of season' hype.  The little money I would make from a yard sale would probably go towards another gadget that will be considered 'out of date' in about eight months.  When looking (reading) back, I realize that I have a lot of room for growth.

So where I started out being frustrated by Harold Camping, I would like to take this moment to thank him for this moment of clarity.  People always ask, what would you do if you knew you were going to die? Common answers of course are: spend all of my money, go on a lavish trip, skydive, take all the risks that with the blessings of continued life, I would not have enough nerve to try.  But for me, I would want to help someone else have a better day than they were having, a better week than the week before or a better year than the last.